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Dog Museum Script

A script I wrote for a spot promoting the benefits of dog adoption. Unfortunately the project died. :(

We open on a typical office. There is a sea of cubicles with people on the phone, filing papers, doing normal busy office stuff. The camera pans and stops at one cubicle. There’s a very fit man at a standing desk. He’s wearing a headset and he has hand-strengthening grips in each hand that he’s squeezing. He’s having a lively conversation on the phone.

Two dogs (one, a large female voiced by Ellen DeGeneres, the other, a small male dog voiced by Ricky Gervais) walk to the front of his cubicle.

Female dog voice

Ohhh, he looks active. You’ll get plenty of fresh air and socialization with this guy.

Male dog Voice

I don’t know, I’m all for getting outside and all but I’m more of a leisurely stroll around the park sort of dog, he looks a little…

The man’s iWatch beeps and he puts the grips down, drops to the ground, and starts doing pushups. His conversation on the headset doesn’t miss a beat.

Female dog voice

…energetic? 

 Male dog voice

I was going to say ‘intense.’ Besides, I can’t keep up with him, look at these tiny legs. Let’s keep looking. 

The two walk to the front of another cubicle. There’s a woman (late 40s early 50s) siting at her desk. She’s chatting away on the office phone complaining about a “Mr. Sassypants.” Her cube is filled with frilly things and lots of tiny picture frames, there’s a poster of Robert Patterson from ‘Twilight’ hanging on the wall.

Female dog Voice

She looks more your speed. And look, she has pictures of her kids, you know children that have dogs in the home have less chance of developing allergies later in life.

Male dog Voice

I didn’t know that. You’d think I’d know that but I didn’t. That’s fantastic, isn’t it. I love being a dog.

Wow, she has a lot of kids…

The camera cuts to close up of all the picture frames and they are of cats, many, many cats. One wearing a cowboy hat, another in a tutu, and one behind a tiny piano with the name “Mr. Sassypants” printed on the frame. Dramatic music plays as we do a quick close up of each frame.

Male dog Voice

…(frightened) we should go.

The pair scampers away and stops in front of a messy cubicle. There is a middle age man going about his day. He has a half eaten cheeseburger on his desk from lunch and more than a couple of half drank soda cans around his desk. He looks tired and stressed out.

Female dog voice

Well, look at this hot mess. Probably overworked and definitely doesn’t get enough exercise. Looks like he could use someone to go on leisurely walks with. You could do wonders for that human.

Male dog Voice

          What? Me? With these stubby little legs?

Female dog voice

(Annoyed) Again, with the legs. Are you kidding me? Listen Stubby, people who own dogs exercise more, which can lower their cholesterol, reduce their blood pressure, and raise their self-esteem not to mention that we’re excellent at comforting people dealing with depression, anxiety, or grief.

Male dog Voice

(Impressed) My goodness we’re amazing creatures aren’t we?

Cut to the man shuffling papers around and he knocks over his coffee, spilling it all over his desk.

Female dog voice

Oh geez, okay, playtime’s over, Get in there champ and make us proud.  

The male dog enters the cubicle and the man’s face immediately lights up. His entire mood changes as he bends down to give the dog a rub. The two stare deeply into each other’s eyes. Music starts playing (I Just Died In Your Arms Tonight // Cutting Crew)

Camera cuts back and forth as the two stare into each other’s eyes. We cut to a montage of the dog and his new human walking together, talking to other dog owners, sitting on the couch watching TV.

The camera cuts back to the cubicle, the music abruptly stops. The man and dog are still gazing into each other’s eyes. The female dog is watching them.

Female dog voice

Awww, what a good boy.

Fade Out

Ray Tolbert